Maisie Goes To New York And Wears A Feather


We arrived in New York, picked up the rental car, drove to Uncle Steve’s, found a parking spot directly in front of Uncle Steve and Aunt Kiwi’s, gave thanks, and got Maisie into full-on New York City mode.

Maisie contemplating pulling on Uncle Steve's beard to see if it's real


STORM KING.  Maisie’s first encounter with modern art was much like any other person’s first encounter with modern art.  A lot of crying, burying of the head and open-mouthed looks of incomprehensibility.   However Maisie did recognize the pieces with true meaning by the real artistes, and was not hoodwinked by the other pieces that were passed off as art but were actually giant pieces of sheet metal left behind by the construction crew.


HUDSON.   We went out for a walk in the town of Hudson.  It was a nice walk through the quaint business district–past restaurants, shops, galleries…you know, the places we used to go before the Little Shouting Crying Machine Of Destruction And Public Mayhem came into our lives.  Midway though the walk, your typical Hudson Valley Autumn Thunderstorm hit, and we ducked into a Toy Store for cover.  For about 15 minutes, we walked around looking at midget Lucha Libre Baby Jackets (next purchase), then went on into the back playroom so Maisie could wreak some mayhem on a Kid Kraft Prairie Tea Set.

Finally a break came  in between thunderstorms, and we had a choice.

  1. Get Maisie back to the hotel before the next Thunderstorm hit.
  2. Go find alcohol

We picked 2. and, of course, got caught in the rain on the way back.  It was Maisie’s first time getting completely soaked in a rainstorm, but she seemed to love every part of it.   She smiled, she laughed, she pointed over to me as if to say, “that is my father, and I love him even if he is drinking a large can of beer in a paper bag.”

"Next time, you two can walk in the rain. I'm calling a taxi."


MAISIE’S FIRST WEDDING was very eventful and gay.  Maisie dressed up in a red velvet dress with a black type of shawl thing (I’m sure shawl thing isn’t the right word, but it’s all I got), socks and little black shoes.  Everyone talked to her, smiled at her, she smiled back. She danced with her mom, her dad, friends and a half dozen other people.  She had her picture taken by three different photographers, and I think actually posed for a couple of them.  She cuddled up to Martin and Eric (the two good friends that married), did not cry during the ceremony, did not destroy the tent, slept for a good part of the reception, and didn’t make any distasteful comments about the table centerpieces like that other seven-month old, little Claude.  In fact everything was going swimmingly until John Roleke fell off the dance floor, hit his head on the ground and had to be carted off by ambulance.

Maisie reprising her role as the Wicked Witch of the West

And her role as Daisy Buchanan in The Great Gatsby


QUEENS.  Maisie met her other uncle and aunt…Dan and Jen.  Dan is Aimee’s other brother who did (and may still do) some professional wrestling out on Long Island–that alone is enough to put him at the top of my list, but on top of that he’s also a good guy.  Jen, on the other hand, does not do any professional wrestling in Long Island or anywhere else but is still at the top of my list because she’s cool and stayed over at our house for a week and said nothing about the mold in my shower.  Their dog Lucy is also at the top of my list because she’s an English Bulldog and drools and farts as much as Maisie does.

OK, the other thing I forgot to mention is Dan also loves kids and Maisie loves wrestlers from Long Island, so it was one of those mutual love at first sight things.  Things got a little rambunctious of course, especially with Lucy, but Dan’s got a horn that he blows when Lucy gets too playful.  Unfortunately he failed to let me know that it was actually a safety air horn, which means it can be heard five blocks away when blown.  Of if you’re indoors, goodbye eardrum.

Dan performing a Tilt-a-Whirl Crossbody on Maisie


PLANE. Uh oh, after bragging to everyone sitting around us that my kid was a “veteran flyer” and “didn’t hardly make a peep coming out here,” Maisie spent the first hour and a half of the flight yelling at the top of her lungs, throwing water bottles, jumping on the seats and banging on the TV screen attached to the backrest.  She’s asleep now…a peaceful little angel…but you can just see ideas forming in her head of what other things she can hurl into Rows 37-41.


My original plan was to keep this blog updated on a weekly basis.  Ha. I also had planned to keep the basement clean and get ten hours of sleep a night.  HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.  Saturday is the day I figured I could catch up on all that writing, cleaning and sleeping.  This is what I did last Saturday.

  1. Cleanup baby food glop off baby
  2. Pretend to throw baby in air
  3. Wash bottle
  4. Take off baby pajamas, put on clothes
  5. Take off clothes, change diaper
  6. Incinerate diaper and clothes
  7. Work for 2.5 minutes
  8. Show baby how to work building blocks
  9. Convince baby that napping during the day is something that all babies do
  10. Work for 1.7 minutes
  11. Pound some nails into the floor so baby won’t catch pajamas on them
  12. Take half-eaten power bill out of baby’s mouth
  13. Put baby in car seat
  14. Drive around just long enough for baby to fall asleep
  15. Take baby out of car seat and jar her just enough to wake her up and can start crying again.
  16. Try and feed her.
  17. Repeat 1-16


Today, New York. Tomorrow, The World. The Next Day, Fresno.

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