The Year In Review

Well, this is basically what’s happened since October of 2012, besides dumping all the flowers in the aisle at her uncle’s wedding.  That was pretty funny.

TOY FRIEND.  The appearance of Maisie’s first imaginary toy friend happened a few days ago–a poodle dog named Ya Ya, who resides in a toy purse.  Unfortunately Ya Ya disappeared this morning, and we had to spend about five minutes looking for Ya Ya before giving up and moving on to the picnic basket. Which is now named Floyd.

BREAKFAST.  This morning I asked Maisie to make some bacon, eggs and pancakes in her pretend kitchen.  She walked over, opened the door of her plastic oven, pulled out a day-old piece of plastic pizza and held it up high as if to say, “You’ll eat what you get.”

BIRTHDAY COMING UP.  When you ask Maisie how old she’s going to be, she says two.  And holds up between three and five fingers.

YA YA DAY TWO.  Still no sign of Ya Ya.  Maisie says the poodle is in her room, but we have searched and found nothing.  Then in related news, when asked what she wanted for dinner, Maisie replied “Ya Ya.”  Then promptly set out a picnic spread for her and her bear, now named Bay-O.  Hmmm.

Practicing for placekicking duty with the New York Jets.

YA YA DAY THREE.  The purple purse in which Ya Ya resides showed up yesterday, but still no Ya Ya.

CHRISTMAS 2012. Santa Claus came and went.  Three times.  Once in Florida.  Once in Seattle.  Once in California.  Maisie couldn’t really say Santa Claus, so she would just rub her belly and say Ho Ho Ho.

Attack of the candy cane space alien.

ANIMAL BUTTS.  When Maisie refers to the hippopotamus, she always points to her butt and says “butt,” because the hippopotamus backside is, of course, quite large and, for her, it’s the next closest thing to saying it.  So when she did it this morning, thought it might be an opportune time to talk about bodily functions, since she was already pointing to her butt.  So I asked,

“Maisie, where do farts come from?”

“Da da.”

MORE NEW WORDS.  Latest is Dadaup, which is utilized mostly in the morning when Dada is trying to sleep. Maisie walks into the room, pulls at the covers and says “Dada Up.”  Of all her new words, this one is my least favorite.

A NEW KITCHEN FOR CHRISTMAS. Maisie received a huge beautiful new plastic double-decker play kitchen for Christmas (which barely fit in the car), and has since shown her cooking skills with pizza, milk with salt and pepper, beans and spatula salad, lettuce boiled lightly flambéed and some canned wheat. The Kitchen consists of microwave, regular oven, refrigerator, stove on top, sink on top and a third door which is currently a mystery.

Showing off the latest beach fashions

PLASTIC FOOD.  Maisie’s plastic food toys (which include plastic cans of refried beans and plastic slices of kiwi) now seem to be serving double duty.  The other day Maisie brought me the small plastic bottle of ketchup, thrust it in my face and said, “Beer.”  Then she pulled it away, put it to her lips and went about pretending to drink the entire thing directly in front of my face.  Then made that age-old sound of ageless beer refreshment.


Then she walked away.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.  Two years old today, and I’m thinking about the personality that’s developing in my Maisie,  What makes her laugh?  What makes her angry?  What makes her stubborn?  Why she feels it necessary to stand in front of the TV when Downton Abbey is on.  The determination on her face shown when the candles on her cake would not go out at first breath.  Folding the cheese pizza in half long-ways like a real life New Yorker.  Why she feels compelled to wear Elmo, no matter what the social occasion.  Or crying for no good reason, pointing to the floor or her way of saying/demanding to SIT HERE, checking my heart rate and fixing the wonky cartilage in my knee with her Fisher-Price doctor kit.

Pants by Target, Coat by Ross Dress For Less

MISTAKEN IDENTITY.  Appears Santa Claus is getting the credit for all the birthday presents Maisie received, as when Maisie was asked who got her the toy shopping cart, she rubbed her belly and said Ho Ho HO.  Same thing happened with the toy doctor kit, the Elmo microphone and the Dora the Explorer microphone.

YES AND NO.  Maisie can now say Yes and No.  Problem is she answers yes to everything you ask her.

Did you eat all your breakfast?  Yes.

Did you put all your toys away?  Yes.

Did you have a poopy?  Yes.

Did you throw rocks at cars?  Yes.

Did you send a nuclear warhead to Bakersfield?  Yes.

She does say no, but that is usually in response to anything to do with going to bed.

Maisie and "Creepy Dress Alike Doll" from Mattel

LOVE AT THE AQUARIUM. Maisie went up to a five year old kid at the Monterey Bay Aquarium, stuck her tongue in his ear, and did not pay attention to the “get away from me” that came shortly thereafter.

MADAGASCAR. At this moment, I’m watching the movie Madagascar for the 173rd time in the last three days.  It is the “Funny Movie” as Maisie calls it.  And every waking minute of our lives is either watching “Funny Movie” or asking to watch “Funny Movie.”  It’s an entertaining movie the first 50 times.  By the 70th time you see it, it loses a little bit of its freshness.  But at least I have all the dialogue memorized, “Just smile and wave boys, smile and wave.”

VOCABULARY. In the last three months vocabulary has expanded exponentially.  A few months ago, there were three words…

  • Mama
  • Dada
  • Dada Beer

But now current estimates put her vocabulary at about 400 words, with new ones added on a daily basis.  On Monday it was Pinky.  On Tuesday it was McDonald’s.  On Wednesday it was Elbow.

Showing off peanut butter and jelly sandwich and bowl haircut

WHAT MAISIE WANTS. Today Maisie said she wanted a horse for the back yard.  This is also where she wants to keep the cow, the giraffe, the duck and the gecko.

REPORT:  Attempts to play the game “Scratch Daddy’s Back” have been unsuccessful so far.

BIG GIRL POTTY Besides being freaked out by watching Potty Time with Elmo (nobody should ever have to watch Elmo urinate, I am now personally involved with Maisie’s progress on the big girl potty.  Whenever she successfully launches some pee pee into the bowl, she comes running out buck naked to proudly show off her work.

“Pee pee, dada, pee pee.”

Buy. Sell. Buy. Sell. Buy. Sell. Poop.

ERIC CLAPTON.  Yesterday we were watching Eric Clapton and I mentioned to Maisie that Eric Clapton is one of the best guitarist of all time.  She nodded her head in understanding.

Then that evening to show off Maisie’s knowledge of greatest guitarists of all time.  I asked her to explain who Eric Clapton is to her mother, to which she said…

“Eric Clapton is a funny guy.”

COUNTING.   Asking her to count the gnomes in the neighborhood and she says “1, 2, 5 gnomes.”  But ask her to count lemons and she’ll say “1, 2, 3 lemons.”  Gnomes apparently live by a different set of numerical rules.

ONE MORE TIME.  Another thing Maisie says on a consistent basis is “One more time and that’s it,” with the finger extended at the end.  She said that to me this morning when I asked her if I could sleep a little longer.  Learned from her mother.

ANOTHER MILESTONE THIS WEEKEND.  In Fresno, lying by the pool, I asked Maisie if she would get me a beer from the fridge.  She waddled away for about two minutes, and returned with a root beer.   After some explanation about how real beer comes in blue cans, she returned with a Bud Light.

MORE ROMANCE.  Today Maisie was holding hands with a little kid at the playground but claimed to still be in love with Elmo.

AND ALLKNOWINGNESS. Today Maisie corrected Aimee’s drawing of a baby saying that it looked like a snowman.

Showing exactly how the finger fits perfectly into the nose

FINDING NEMO. Last night we watched finding Nemo for the first time.  This is what happened.

  • Maisie cried when Nemo get separated from his Dad
  • Cried when Nemo got stuck in the aquarium hose
  • Cried when the brat kid showed up.
  • Cried when Nemo still hadn’t reunited with his father.
  • Cried when the turtles showed up.
  • Didn’t cry when Nemo was reunited with his dad, but cried when he went off to school

KID IN WINTHROP.  We spent the weekend in Winthrop where this crazy little kid who started following us around, leaving his real dad in the gift shop.  For like 15 minutes he followed me around.  Then he began calling me dad and tried to sucker me into some sort of the game of tag. Where was his father? Flirting with the girl in the gift shop.

COOKING DINNER. Maisie took a shot at cooking dinner today.  In a very large frying pan, she threw in a full size zucchini, a full-size carrot and a full-size everything that was in the produce delivery bin.

LATER ON.  I walked out of my bathroom to be greeted by Maisie who asked me, “You poop?”

Trying some of her father's Macaroni And Liver Bits.

AND.  On the trying to get her off marrying Elmo front, I asked Maisie if she was going to marry Daniel Tiger to which she replied, “no, he’s just a friend.”

AND. This morning I went to pull out my notebook out of my backpack and instead discovered Ducky Daddle.

ON THE PHONE.  Here is a list of people that Maisie calls on her playphone:

  • GPop and Noni
  • Big Elmo
  • Auntie Baba and Auntie Bonnie
  • San Diego

Here is a sample conversation:

“Hi G-Pop, Hi Noni, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, bye G-Pop, bye Noni.”

This was the last known sighting of Mr. Sheep.

SENTENCE STRUCTURE.  It’s basically at the point now where it’s impossible to keep track of new words or conversations for that matter.  You just wait through a line of unintelligible squawking until you get to the point of the entire discussion…

“So Blah Blah, passorano, bingo, byama, mammor, shoes.”

Oh shoes, yes I understand.

"Stop following me, bastard pumpkins."

CH-CH-CH-CH-CH-CHANGE.  Took a bunch of change out of the change jar and put it in my pocket (since Maisie has a habit of taking change out of the change jar and putting it in her mouth).  So she asks, “Is the money in your pocket?”  And I say no.  Then to throw her off the track, I tell her that the money is down my shirt.  So she looks down my shirt and finds nothing down there except a large stomach.  After unsuccessfully scouring the rest of my body for change, she walks into the bathroom, looks down Aimee’s shirt and asks, “Is there any money down there?”

Our new house!



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